In hindsight, adjusting to my first year post college, burning myself out at my first full time job, plus a family trauma at home involving a mental health crisis were probably the catalyst.
I found myself craving any carb and in secret eating anything that started or ended in CAKE, spiking and dropping my blood sugar & cortisol (stress hormone) levels daily. The most visual sign that something was off was the 30+ lbs I gained in less than 6 months.
As I googled Overeaters Anonymous one day, I was hit with the realization I had an uncontrollable binge eating problem as well.
I smiled on the outside and pretended to be okay, but in my heart, I knew I was far from the happy and positive person I used to be.
I felt ashamed, embarrassed, hopeless, and exhausted all of the time. I just wanted to crawl back under the covers and go back to sleep.
Speaking of sleep, I would take 2 hour depression naps during the day AND sleep hard at night but wake up drained.
Negative thoughts constantly cycled through my mind and I would restrict foods by day only to sabotage myself and become the cookie monster by night. I’d cancel plans with family and friends at the last minute because I was too tired or anxious to go, continuing to isolate myself.
Exercise? That was the LAST thing I wanted to do.
I constantly set myself up to fail (unknowingly) with unrealistic goals, triggering the cycle of negativity, shame, guilt and binge eating all over again. Most days, I could not think or talk myself out of it.